Saturday, March 14, 2009

Bullshit Detector

Time for a rant. Had to get some of this off my chest though.
"My ideal guy is ... "
I'm going to ignore everything you say for the next two minutes. Your chances of finding a biodiesel mechanic with a PhD who runs an animal refuge in his spare time are slim at best. But good luck with that.

"Animals are just people with fur."
Because cuddliness is an important moral consideration.

"I'm so happy to be single."
My thoughts on this are best summed-up here. Also, you're a moron.

"Results may vary."
This is why I've pretty much cut dairy out of my life. Stupid pills.

"If only we ... "
Yes, because despite your black-hole-like ignorance on whatever substantial topic we're discussing, your solutions to the world's ills are stunningly insightful. Problems are best addressed from a black 'n white worldview, because black 'n white is intellectually convenient--and we all know how important convenience is! You really ought to be in charge of something big and important--possibly an independent finance bank.

"Men don't care about women."
The market for boner pills proves that, yes, we men do care about women. Albeit in the most selfish manner possible, but y'know, whatever.

"What America needs ... "
... are presidential candidates who stick to the script. Good grief. In several instances over the last two years the Bullshit Detector has pegged so hard it broke the needle. Thank god the election is over.

"You drive a truck!"
This apparently increases my sex appeal by ~15%. Trucks are especially effective in University towns if they're plastered with environmental/band stickers but the driver looks really grizzled and tough and has a beard. 'Cause, y'know, he's like obviously tough but also sensitive in a manly sort of way. He drives a truck!

Orrrrr ... you can save even MORE by not buying at all! Holy shit!

"I thrive on adrenaline."
Really? When's the last time you started a fist-fight? And why are you always asking me to slow the car down? How long have you been living in this adrenaline-filled fantasyland where you're all edgy and stuff?

"Grad school sucks."
Not as much as real life.

Whewwwww ... sorry. Had to be done. I'll post some trip photos next time I take a trip. Which is hopefully soon.


Blogger pasq242 said...

Ha ha, awesome as always. :D


"Animals are just people with fur."
Actually, people are animals without fur. In any case, no, I don't get why we systematically slaughter specific types of animals but keep other types as beloved pets (to wit: why people get so bent out of shape about eating dogs or horses). In my mind, the point is that we, living in a prosperous first-world country, don't need to kill animals to eat; there's plenty of other grown/manufactured goodness. Again, not that there's anything morally wrong with killing, it's just that if you don't have to, why do it?

"I'm so happy to be single."
The Onion article speaks more to social whitewashing; even if life sucks, people are still going to say it's awesome rather than lose face to their peers--that extends beyond relationships. That being said, I think it's important to be happy being single; I know there were times when I felt deficient as a human being because no one loved me, but then again, that's to be expected if you operate based on external validation. Being happy to be single is one of those "of course, dummy" statements if you're a self-confident, internally-motivated person. What sucks is that there are unfair value judgments associated with peoples' status (ex: the stigma of being single the older you get). In an ideal world your status wouldn't be something that people use as an indicator.

"If only we ..."
Your comments on this seem to be pretty damning to libertarians. I LOLed.

1:21 PM  
Blogger Waan said...

Fairs points.

Re: animals
I won't get too deeply in to the morality of killing animals or ethics of animal farming. This is directed more at the bumper-stickering ass-hats who boil the entire argument down to whether the animal is cute or not. This view makes redundant something like 90% of all animals--i.e., you'll never see someone marching with a SAVE THE SNAKES placard. I can't stand the idea that something is more worthwhile "saving" because it's cute. Please.

Re: single
Well, sorta. Life sucks if everyone shits on you because of your appearance or status or whatever. Maybe there's less bullshit here--if things suck, people generally say so. Generally the "SO VERY HAPPY TO BE SINGLE" crowd find some way to advertise every thing they do--especially which books they read, what they eat, what the sun looked like today (I'm observant!), or anything else that they can use to feel better about themselves. Nothing in their lives is boring. This also applies to most self-declared adrenaline junkies.

Re: if only
You nailed that demographic. I've had my fill of libertarian bullshit these last five years. However, this also applies to anyone whose principles/worldview are based on a model of how they want reality to be (see also: Freud, Marx) instead of honest-to-god observations about what people do and how they behave.

5:51 PM  
Blogger pasq242 said...

I love you, warren.

RE: Re: animals
Yes, the "cute" card is a tempting-yet-ultimately-detrimental tactic for pro-animal groups. Yes, people respond to it viscerally, because we are hard-wired to love things with big dopey eyes and super-deformed features. It's easy to transfer this onto animals, but it's a superficial argument in all aspects (PUN ASSUREDLY INTENDED). Let us eat or love all animals, cute or not.

RE: Re: single
Never underestimate the power of "keepin' it in the family." WE'RE JUST FINE, THANK YOU
But yeah, I see what you're saying about people who are so very proud of what they consume and do on a day-to-day basis and waste no time reminding you what an awesome, well-thought-out and progressive person they are. Believe me, I am as jealous as you are of these sunshine-shitting motherfuckers (one of the reasons I quit FB). On a side note: not too many adrenaline junkies in NoVA... although, not that I'd expect them in Missoula, either.

RE: Re: if only
Disclosure: I used to be one of these binary people. Viewing the world in black and white is a pathetically untenable position; by this I am alternately amused and saddened. Favorites include conservative cheapskates who vote entirely based on who lowers taxes, NIMBY a-holes who roadblock valuable development, and anyone who'd like to shoehorn the world into a third-grader's view of a religious ideal. I think you have the benefit of seeing more of this BS on the left side of the political spectrum; I am always interested in hearing things from that side (if only to remind myself that I'm honestly not insane).

9:21 PM  

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