I'm no de Tocqueville

West Coasters are fun but flakey. East Coasters are dependable but insecure.

Gross generalizations? Yup. Lumping L.A.ers with Seattlites? Heh, yes. Northwest and East Coast bias? Pretty much. Bound to irritate you? I SURE HOPE SO!! But I'm on to something here. And since I'm talking about gross generalizations, please forgive me in advance for the excessive use of "tend", "can", "prone to", "a tendency to", "seem more inclined", "demonstrate a proclivity toward", "can be generalized as", and "should be rounded up and launched in to the sun". So yes, I KNOW, I have a VERY SKEWED view of both coasts and my GENERALIZATIONS SHOULDN'T BE APPLIED TO ANYONE, unless they happen to live in one of the affected areas in which case they should suck it up.

So, why risk offending my six precious readers? I'm looking for feedback. I always like to hear what you think, mostly so I can tell you how fucking wrong you are. Or, delictably, vice versa. Or, best possible result, I start a war of escalating comments that tragically ends outside a Las Vegas casino.

EAST

• East Coasters tend to be an economically, ethnically, and politically diverse group. Politically they represent the entire political spectrum, though they tend to group by rural, suburban, and urban geography, shading from the conservative rural areas to the liberal urban areas.
  
• They're more willing to raise the "bullshit flag" and be confrontational. East Coasters are more prone to honk.
  
• East Coasters tend to be more formal and serious in their interactions, but are more likely to be able to cope with personal crises.
  
• If you invite an East Coaster to dinner, they're more likely to be on time and wearing something "decent". They might secretly pick apart your decor, however.
  
• Ethnically they are El Salvadoran, Vietnamese, Eritrean, Ethiopean, Iranian, white, Jamaican, Mexican, black, Korean, Chinese, Indian, Pakistani, and Afghani.
  
• East Coasters are more likely to be church-goers, or at least more prone to feeling some guilt around religious holidays. And a note about guilt: it's more likely to be used, consciously or unconsciously, in every-day interactions.
  
• East Coasters are more likely to be "financially responsible", chasing jobs and conscientiously investing their money.
  
• When greeting a customer with "hey, how's it going?", a server or retail slave leaves the question mark off the end.
  
• If I could use a phrase to sum East Coasters up, it would be "Do your best". Why? It captures a lot of the drive to be competitive and successful while also hinting at the insecurity driving that attitude--you could get hit at any time so view the world with at least a tinge of Machiavellianism.
  

WEST

• West Coasters tend to be more individualistic and accepting of alternate lifestyles. Politically there is a tendency towards liberalism, though die-hard conservatives can be found anywhere. A common libertarian thread runs through the political fabric--no one trusts the government.
  
• They're more willing to accept you at face value and be unabashadely open about their personal lives. West Coasters are more prone to casually swear.
  
• West Coasters tend to be informal and casual in their interactions, but are less likely to be able to cope with personal crises.
• If you invite a West Coaster to dinner, they're more likely to be late and wearing some "casual". They'll be focused on wringing every ounce of fun out of the evening, however.
  
• Ethnically they are white, white, white, white, white, white, Mexican, and white.
  
• West Coasters are less likely to be church-goers but more likely to define their beliefs as "spiritual". And a note about guilt: uh, they've heard of the definition before but ... guilt? Why would you make someone feel guilty, man?
  
• West Coasters are more likely to view money as a simple thing, something to be used for lifestyle or fun--"easy come, easy go".
  
• When greeting a customer with "hey, how's it going?", a barista or server is likely to really mean it and engage in a conversation.
  
• If I could use a phrase to sum West Coasters up, it would be "Live in the moment". Why? It captures a lot of the openness and carefree fun while also hinting at the flakiness--personal accountability isn't so important if you're constantly living in the moment.

It's a little tough to make comparisons from my limited exposure. DC had the distinction of being filled with transplants whose egos matched their ambitions to be an aide for one of the gazillion Important People cycling in and out of power. Eugene has the distinction of getting nearby towns high when the wind shifts. Both are extremes in their own right. But my experiences in the East Coast weren't confined to the DC area or people born-and-bred there; and the same here in Eugene. God knows I've run in to ignorant bastards everywhere.

On that note, I get a seriously perverse thrill out of shutting people down when discussion turns to the East Coast. The elitism here in the Northwest empowers lots of people to make bold pronouncements about the arrogant, moneyed, close-minded Easterners--but they suddenly become very cautious when they realize they're around a native. This brings no small amount of satisfaction to my life, like the desert Tarantula waiting in his burrow for unsuspecting Prius-driving beer/coffee elitists to stroll by, whereupon it darts out like hairy lightning and sinks its rhetorical pincers in. ("So how long did you live on the East Coast for? Oh, you didn't? Ever? So how do you know what it's like?" Oops, did you just let an East Coaster make you look like one of those close-minded arrogant assholes you were just railing against? Fuckhead?)

But pointing out hypocrisy is one thing; choosing a place to live is another. I'll admit to some exasperation with West Coasters. And it's fair to ask, "So Warren, if you don't like it here, when are you leaving?" That's a toughie. Truth be told, I'm a big syrupy romantic at heart. The American West is an incredibly special place and when I'm traveling or hiking in it I can't help but crack a big shit-eating grin. At the same time, I've found it refreshing to be around people who truly appreciate the smalls things in to day-to-day life. Lifestyle is no small matter. Many transplants would agree, I think.

I'm curious about the upper Midwest. Good people, a bit lefty, outdoors-oriented ... flat, brutally cold, and insular. Dammit.

Maybe I should tend this garden. Though I keep hearing good things about Utah. And Norway.