Saturday, March 14, 2009

Bullshit Detector

Time for a rant. Had to get some of this off my chest though.
"My ideal guy is ... "
I'm going to ignore everything you say for the next two minutes. Your chances of finding a biodiesel mechanic with a PhD who runs an animal refuge in his spare time are slim at best. But good luck with that.

"Animals are just people with fur."
Because cuddliness is an important moral consideration.

"I'm so happy to be single."
My thoughts on this are best summed-up here. Also, you're a moron.

"Results may vary."
This is why I've pretty much cut dairy out of my life. Stupid pills.

"If only we ... "
Yes, because despite your black-hole-like ignorance on whatever substantial topic we're discussing, your solutions to the world's ills are stunningly insightful. Problems are best addressed from a black 'n white worldview, because black 'n white is intellectually convenient--and we all know how important convenience is! You really ought to be in charge of something big and important--possibly an independent finance bank.

"Men don't care about women."
The market for boner pills proves that, yes, we men do care about women. Albeit in the most selfish manner possible, but y'know, whatever.

"What America needs ... "
... are presidential candidates who stick to the script. Good grief. In several instances over the last two years the Bullshit Detector has pegged so hard it broke the needle. Thank god the election is over.

"You drive a truck!"
This apparently increases my sex appeal by ~15%. Trucks are especially effective in University towns if they're plastered with environmental/band stickers but the driver looks really grizzled and tough and has a beard. 'Cause, y'know, he's like obviously tough but also sensitive in a manly sort of way. He drives a truck!

Orrrrr ... you can save even MORE by not buying at all! Holy shit!

"I thrive on adrenaline."
Really? When's the last time you started a fist-fight? And why are you always asking me to slow the car down? How long have you been living in this adrenaline-filled fantasyland where you're all edgy and stuff?

"Grad school sucks."
Not as much as real life.

Whewwwww ... sorry. Had to be done. I'll post some trip photos next time I take a trip. Which is hopefully soon.